To be or not to be?

So the last time I blogged it was a little over a year ago. It has been the toughest one year I have ever endured. Research kills you, quite literally. I worked weekdays, I worked weekends. My professor hated me. Made it harder to show up to work. I couldn't graduate in May like I had planned and missed the opportunity to graduate with my friends. I couldn't spend enough time with them. I felt like a crazy mess. I constantly cried and complained. I almost didn't feel like myself. I made up my mind I didn't want to continue in research.
The best thing that happened was have my mom and sister came over for my graduation. They stayed with me for 2 weeks. It was the nicest feeling to know someone was waiting for you at home. Yes, my professor made me come to work even when my family was here in spite of knowing they were here only for 2 weeks. There's a special circle of hell reserved for people like that. My mom and sister got to see what my life is like here. I showed them around campus and around town. I'd come home for lunch that mom would've prepared.We'd go for evening walks, my sister and me would watch Sex and the city episodes and other random stuff on my laptop, mom would tell me about stuff happening back home, my sister and me would check out boys at restaurants and giggle at the dinner table while mom remained clueless. I loved having them around, best 2 weeks ever.
I realized how much my sister had grown up in these 2 years. I hate missing out on her growing up years. I miss coming home to mom's home cooked food. Discussing with dad what I learned that day. Once I graduated, I had all the time in the world to get lost in my thoughts, replay memories of the life I left behind and wondered what is all this worth? Staying away from loved ones, getting higher education, living among strangers, walking unknown streets and making a life in a place that would never be home?
I can't believe how much my baby sister has grown up. She was always an artsy person but now she's got such a sharp eye for it. From painting, to sketching, capturing pictures, writing novels, really good taste in music, etc. she does it all. I must say she is quite good at it. She's always been a good kid. I can't believe when she was younger all her friends had Facebook accounts and I told her she couldn't have one until she turned 14 and she actually did wait until she turned 14. I told her she couldn't watch Game of Thrones because its far too explicit and she listened to that too. She'll always be my first kid and I hope some day if and when I have kids they're like her. Parenting will be a cakewalk then. I immensely miss having her around, giving me her take when I'm unable to make my decisions and trying out all the outfits before she finally gets super annoyed and gives me a nod for one of them, going on food gobbling spree around town. I want to go back to that life of mine.
I see my childhood bestfriends putting up pictures from sleepovers and luncheons and other outings and I get a sinking feeling that what if I can never be a part of those moments again. I hate that I can't give my bestfriend a big bear hug when she has had a bad day, go have crazy night outs where I get to play wingwoman, spend birthday treats with them, go for trips to exotic locales, be present during important moments in their lives and so much more.
What am I going to look back at when I grow older? What will be the memories that will flash before my eyes right before I die? We get one life and my childhood is gone that will never return, my youth is running away too and I'm spending it trying to make a career and missing out on all the things that I could be doing, making those memories that will flash before my eyes just before my final breath. I'm sure what I'll do every single day at work won't be one of the memories. Why did humans have to come up with the crass concept of money that ruined everything! Yes I blame the money. If I didn't want a higher standard of living I wouldn't be here in a foreign country and struggling to make a place and fighting tooth and nail to make a decent salary. Being in a foreign country puts you on all kinds of restrictions when you want to leave the country for a trip home. So now you may have the money but you can't go see loved ones. Big price to pay for wanting a better life style. I constantly ask myself did I do the right thing? Will all this be worth it someday? Can I ever make up for the lost time? I guess I'll find out sooner or later until then I have to live in oblivion.

Circle of Life

So it's been eons since I blogged. Been extremely busy trying to adjust to my new life. So I had been working hard all of 2012 so I could get a decent score for my GRE test and get myself to the United States of America! And guess what, I actually managed to do that. Well, that happened like last year in August of 2013. I'm halfway through pursuing my master's degree. 2 more semesters and I'll be a master's degree holder. Studying abroad was something that was always on my agenda, like ever since I was a young impressionable girl (not saying I'm not impressionable now). When I finally got here it was completely different from what I had imagined. First of all, I have moved to one of the smaller cities or rather town in the US. Far far slow paced a life than I was leading in Mumbai. I thought I would be living the American dream and blah blah. But after I stepped here, I realized the amount of responsibilities I'd have to undertake now that I was no longer under my parents wings. It's a tough life juggling between grad school, cooking, laundry, grocery shopping, paying bills, cleaning the apartment and whatever little social life time permits. I entered my 20's three years ago but I felt like an adult only last year. I have become more independent. I'm trying to stick to my priorities. I'm not saying its a bad life, its actually changed my perspective towards life. I realized how attached I am to my parents, how precious it was to always have my sister around and have become more vigilant about how to value every relationship that you leave behind in your homeland. I must tell you that life abroad can tend to get monotonous and lonely. You may make tons of friends but they still can't fill the void you feel from being on the foreign land; because at the end of the day everyone is here to fulfill a dream and achieve something.I don't blame them, I've come here for the same. On several occasions you question yourself, why did you ever decide to leave your oh-so-comfortable a nest you were living in. You'll have these thoughts when the only way you can see your family is through a Skype conversation, you can longer be a part of your baby sibling's adolescent years when they need you the most (or at least I feel that way), when you miss that special someone who is still in your home country, when your circle of friends decide about meeting up and send you pictures from that day, when you have to make your own food even though you are dead-beat from juggling between class and work the entire day and mommy isn't around to serve you hot dinner and so many instances that I could go on narrating. The list is pretty long! The worst is when someone in your family is sick and there's nothing you can do. You're far away and in a different time zone so your family doesn't want you to panic so they try to mellow down the situation and tell you everything is okay and you shouldn't worry. I mean, obviously you'll worry! How can you not? You're not physically present, when you're sleeping they're awake and vice verse so communication is pretty jilted. But in truth there is nothing you can do so they're kinda right in their way to not tell you. It's not like you can hop on the next flight and land there. The rest of the family will take care of it. So think hard before you decide to pack your bags and leave. Its definitely an experience of a lifetime, I'd suggest everybody should do it but try and pick a country that's closer to your homeland ;). More will come up soon from my adventures abroad!

Until then,
Adios!

War of Love

    Do men ever truly love you? In the beginning when they are pursuing you they'd treat you like a princess, say all the right things, do all the fancy stuff and be a complete gentleman. Once they've got you, there is a drastic change in their behavior. The free spirited being who seemed like he was born a century earlier because of his forward thoughts all of a sudden is an all binding orthodox. An absolute change of character where everything you do is scrutinized and judged like you're a criminal being prosecuted. Anything and everything you do is wrong and you should've apparently asked their advice before taking that step. Where is all that big talk about men and women being equal crap gone? The belief that the era is long gone where women were considered to have a lower position in the society and they are totally capable of making their own decisions?

     Supposedly when guys hang out with their "chick friends" its acceptable and normal and there is no reason for us to feel insecure but WE girls cant do that with our guy friends. A wee bit hypocritical don't you think? True love as described in books and movies shouldn't want to cage you and shouldn't expect you to follow orders like a pet. True love should have full faith on the other. Okay, I agree that we do make mistakes, its not like we were carved perfect but you shouldn't have to hold on to it and bring it out in every argument you make even when its not relevant to the conversation. Its so frustrating when they don't even wanna hear your side of the story or give you a chance to explain the situation. Maybe your point of argument is valid and if we accept our folly and are apologizing then forgive us rather than staying mad about it and constantly fighting about it. I think if women were angry about the same stuff then they mostly would forgive their partner. We are humans and bound to make mistakes and then learn our lessons. Women kinda have always been the kinder lot. We melt down too easily. Blame it on estrogen. Damn you hormone!!!! Sometimes I wish we were stronger and learn to hold our ground for longer. We don't let our egos play a bigger role while making decisions. We listen to our hearts more than anything else and let the emotions take the better of us. Men listen to their egos. Their egos are their best friends, advocates and lovers. Egos make them feel better about themselves. Their egos kinda makes them believe that they are somehow always right! I mean how is it even possible that a person is ALWAYS right? I think there really is a gene that inculcates the male chauvinism into guys. I mean it comes pretty naturally to them. Its impossible that they learn or adapt that characteristic over time. Nope! Its in them. In every freaking cell in their bodies! It always has to be "My way" or "No way". Its so bloody annoying!

    Its hard to believe that in the 21st century men still haven't changed and that they are the same chauvinistic pigs that they were before. Looks like this one attribute doesn't change no matter how much they evolve. They would give up on love but not their ego. They would rather live alone than accept that their partner's right. Becoming fathers somehow mellows them down but does not entirely get rid of that "I'm always right attitude". I really wish men were actually like how they are portrayed in the books and the movies. I guess relationships wouldn't be that hard to manage then. Whatever you may do but men just somehow are never pleased, there still will be something to complain about or just not good enough. *sigh* 

Cliched

Has anyone ever been able to describe LOVE? Millions of books have been written about this four letter word since times immemorial. But have they been able to successfully describe or explain it? Probably if you ask ten different people to describe love, they would all give you varied answers. What love means to a person is unique and how it makes them feel also differs. We have read millions of books and seen a ton of movies based on love and romance and how lovers are willing to sacrifice their lives for each other's sake, but how often does that actually happen? People nowadays change partners like a pair of clothes and change the relationship status to keep up with the trends. How can they love one person today and another by next week? So is the concept of a soul-mate and one true love bogus? Does that only happen in fairy-tales? Is the idea extinct to the gen-next? In an era where technology can help you stay connected with your partner all day long and keep you updated about what are they up to like you were right next to them, couples still tend to have trust issues. If you cant believe your eyes and ears, then I don't understand what shall one trust? In the good olden days when one letter took days and months to reach their beloved, they still managed to keep the romance alive. When does information become too much information? Is technology driving partners away? Is it not working because all mystery is lost? Well, one can never be sure.
If that isn't frustrating enough there comes the biggest murderer of love, DISCRIMINATION. Yes, how many stories have you heard that lovers have given up on the relationship because of differences in caste, creed, religion and race. You would say that doesn't happen anymore. You're mistaken. It is immensely prevalent in the 21st century too. People give up because they think their families won't agree or those who buck up the courage to stand up against their families for the right to love are massacred. Should love really be killed because you don't share the same faith? How does it matter by what name you refer to your God or what place of worship you go to? Don't all Holy books say the same thing that there's only one Supreme Power? Then who are we as humans to create the divide? Do people from different religions look different? Or do they breathe from their eyes? Or do they not eat food and survive on sunlight? As long as you are falling in love with a human I don't see any problems. The entire concept of religion is appalling. I think the only thing we should be believing in is HUMANITY and the kind of dark ages we live in its of utmost importance. I believe in God too but do not have blind faith. He is the guide and savior but I don't think he'd want us to kill in His name. Love is a wonderful feeling. It makes you feel blissful and blessed. No one should ever have to be afraid to love. Love is the only driving force that can help us get through this long life we need to live. Families should understand that their kids know who can keep them happy and they are capable of making the decision of choosing their life partners. Living a life with someone you don't love is difficult and its not a sacrifice you have made for your family but instead a compromise you have made for your life. A life lived on compromise is never fulfilling. It is a drag and unsatisfying. Some day many years down the line you'll realize that you made a mistake and half a lifetime has passed away and you think now there's no point and you've lived a dissatisfied life.So my sincere advice grab the one you love and strive it out with them. No matter how hard it seems at times but in the end you'll be happy and that is what matters. Don't ever give up love. It is what makes the world go round.  So Love and let love!         

The beginning

Okay. So I'm sure you'll be wondering what De-lifed actually is. Nothing special to be honest. Its normal stuff happening in an average girl's life. Small issues that appear like life threatening crisis. So now you'll wonder why you be bothered a "Nobody's life". Well maybe because you can relate to me too and feel that your not the only person whose going through all the mess in the world. I'm right here feeling just like you do.
So I'm your average 21 year old who jumps up and says she's 18 when asked how old she is. No matter how old you get your kinda stuck at being 18. 18 seems so enticing. It makes you feel that you can conquer the world. Your not too old neither are too young. It makes you feel a little powerful! ;) you know what I mean. How I wish I could just go back to being 18 or even 14 for that matter. Although your teenage years last only for 7 years but it feels like forever. You just never want it to end. Being in school was so much more easier. Doing your home-work, staying out of trouble in class and home, those sleepovers and trying to get crush's attention were probably considered a real hard task. I wish I could just go back to doing that. *sigh*
College kills you. Now I'm in my final year of engineering and there's like so much I gotta do and plan and get everything worked out. So I'm into biotechnology and I wanna do my Post graduation abroad and I have to give these qualifying exams and I haven't even started preparing. In my final semester I have to do project that actually involves doing your own experiments and drawing results and write a thesis. Like way too much burden on a young mind! :( . I have my vacations going on and all i did was eat. sleep and watch TV! I had been wanting to start with a blog a month back. So you can imagine how lazy I'm being. =P. If your story's similar to mine then join the bandwagon! Sometimes I wish I was an amoeba. Life would be so much more simpler! All I had to do was divide! =P. But no I turned out to be a human. Well now that I have this life I'd like to make good use of it and try to make this world a better place with whatever little contribution I can make! So with De-lifed you'll never feel alone! =)