So the last time I blogged it was a little over a year ago. It has been the toughest one year I have ever endured. Research kills you, quite literally. I worked weekdays, I worked weekends. My professor hated me. Made it harder to show up to work. I couldn't graduate in May like I had planned and missed the opportunity to graduate with my friends. I couldn't spend enough time with them. I felt like a crazy mess. I constantly cried and complained. I almost didn't feel like myself. I made up my mind I didn't want to continue in research.
The best thing that happened was have my mom and sister came over for my graduation. They stayed with me for 2 weeks. It was the nicest feeling to know someone was waiting for you at home. Yes, my professor made me come to work even when my family was here in spite of knowing they were here only for 2 weeks. There's a special circle of hell reserved for people like that. My mom and sister got to see what my life is like here. I showed them around campus and around town. I'd come home for lunch that mom would've prepared.We'd go for evening walks, my sister and me would watch Sex and the city episodes and other random stuff on my laptop, mom would tell me about stuff happening back home, my sister and me would check out boys at restaurants and giggle at the dinner table while mom remained clueless. I loved having them around, best 2 weeks ever.
I realized how much my sister had grown up in these 2 years. I hate missing out on her growing up years. I miss coming home to mom's home cooked food. Discussing with dad what I learned that day. Once I graduated, I had all the time in the world to get lost in my thoughts, replay memories of the life I left behind and wondered what is all this worth? Staying away from loved ones, getting higher education, living among strangers, walking unknown streets and making a life in a place that would never be home?
I can't believe how much my baby sister has grown up. She was always an artsy person but now she's got such a sharp eye for it. From painting, to sketching, capturing pictures, writing novels, really good taste in music, etc. she does it all. I must say she is quite good at it. She's always been a good kid. I can't believe when she was younger all her friends had Facebook accounts and I told her she couldn't have one until she turned 14 and she actually did wait until she turned 14. I told her she couldn't watch Game of Thrones because its far too explicit and she listened to that too. She'll always be my first kid and I hope some day if and when I have kids they're like her. Parenting will be a cakewalk then. I immensely miss having her around, giving me her take when I'm unable to make my decisions and trying out all the outfits before she finally gets super annoyed and gives me a nod for one of them, going on food gobbling spree around town. I want to go back to that life of mine.
I see my childhood bestfriends putting up pictures from sleepovers and luncheons and other outings and I get a sinking feeling that what if I can never be a part of those moments again. I hate that I can't give my bestfriend a big bear hug when she has had a bad day, go have crazy night outs where I get to play wingwoman, spend birthday treats with them, go for trips to exotic locales, be present during important moments in their lives and so much more.
What am I going to look back at when I grow older? What will be the memories that will flash before my eyes right before I die? We get one life and my childhood is gone that will never return, my youth is running away too and I'm spending it trying to make a career and missing out on all the things that I could be doing, making those memories that will flash before my eyes just before my final breath. I'm sure what I'll do every single day at work won't be one of the memories. Why did humans have to come up with the crass concept of money that ruined everything! Yes I blame the money. If I didn't want a higher standard of living I wouldn't be here in a foreign country and struggling to make a place and fighting tooth and nail to make a decent salary. Being in a foreign country puts you on all kinds of restrictions when you want to leave the country for a trip home. So now you may have the money but you can't go see loved ones. Big price to pay for wanting a better life style. I constantly ask myself did I do the right thing? Will all this be worth it someday? Can I ever make up for the lost time? I guess I'll find out sooner or later until then I have to live in oblivion.
The best thing that happened was have my mom and sister came over for my graduation. They stayed with me for 2 weeks. It was the nicest feeling to know someone was waiting for you at home. Yes, my professor made me come to work even when my family was here in spite of knowing they were here only for 2 weeks. There's a special circle of hell reserved for people like that. My mom and sister got to see what my life is like here. I showed them around campus and around town. I'd come home for lunch that mom would've prepared.We'd go for evening walks, my sister and me would watch Sex and the city episodes and other random stuff on my laptop, mom would tell me about stuff happening back home, my sister and me would check out boys at restaurants and giggle at the dinner table while mom remained clueless. I loved having them around, best 2 weeks ever.
I realized how much my sister had grown up in these 2 years. I hate missing out on her growing up years. I miss coming home to mom's home cooked food. Discussing with dad what I learned that day. Once I graduated, I had all the time in the world to get lost in my thoughts, replay memories of the life I left behind and wondered what is all this worth? Staying away from loved ones, getting higher education, living among strangers, walking unknown streets and making a life in a place that would never be home?
I can't believe how much my baby sister has grown up. She was always an artsy person but now she's got such a sharp eye for it. From painting, to sketching, capturing pictures, writing novels, really good taste in music, etc. she does it all. I must say she is quite good at it. She's always been a good kid. I can't believe when she was younger all her friends had Facebook accounts and I told her she couldn't have one until she turned 14 and she actually did wait until she turned 14. I told her she couldn't watch Game of Thrones because its far too explicit and she listened to that too. She'll always be my first kid and I hope some day if and when I have kids they're like her. Parenting will be a cakewalk then. I immensely miss having her around, giving me her take when I'm unable to make my decisions and trying out all the outfits before she finally gets super annoyed and gives me a nod for one of them, going on food gobbling spree around town. I want to go back to that life of mine.
I see my childhood bestfriends putting up pictures from sleepovers and luncheons and other outings and I get a sinking feeling that what if I can never be a part of those moments again. I hate that I can't give my bestfriend a big bear hug when she has had a bad day, go have crazy night outs where I get to play wingwoman, spend birthday treats with them, go for trips to exotic locales, be present during important moments in their lives and so much more.
What am I going to look back at when I grow older? What will be the memories that will flash before my eyes right before I die? We get one life and my childhood is gone that will never return, my youth is running away too and I'm spending it trying to make a career and missing out on all the things that I could be doing, making those memories that will flash before my eyes just before my final breath. I'm sure what I'll do every single day at work won't be one of the memories. Why did humans have to come up with the crass concept of money that ruined everything! Yes I blame the money. If I didn't want a higher standard of living I wouldn't be here in a foreign country and struggling to make a place and fighting tooth and nail to make a decent salary. Being in a foreign country puts you on all kinds of restrictions when you want to leave the country for a trip home. So now you may have the money but you can't go see loved ones. Big price to pay for wanting a better life style. I constantly ask myself did I do the right thing? Will all this be worth it someday? Can I ever make up for the lost time? I guess I'll find out sooner or later until then I have to live in oblivion.
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